he won't eat

i can't get him to eat dinner anymore. i cook every single night minus friday pizza night. i hate cooking. i spend nearly $150/week on groceries. i cook all his favorite things. did i say that i hate cooking?

hating to cook + he won't eat = ugh

it doesn't matter what i cook, he will only eat ketchup and applesauce. last night i made a casserole and he ate 3 helpings of applesauce instead. the night before i made hamburgers and waffle fries (unhealthy, i know...but i'm a cool mom) and he just licked the ketchup.

i could save a lot of time and money if i stopped cooking. just feed him ketchup and applesauce everynight. if only. but that is neglect. or is it? it is. so my maternal instinct cooked dinner again tonight.

wouldn't eat it. time for plan b. cupcake sprinkles. all over the top of his food. it's fun. it's colorful. who doesn't want to eat cupcake sprinkles. he ate everything on his plate. genius.

beautiful

tonight my boy looked at me with the brightest eyes and sweetest smile and said, 'mommy, you are beautiful'. i melted.

about an hour later he looked at manny the mammoth from ice age and said 'manny, you are beautiful.'

ok kid. now you just said i was beautiful and now you are saying a giant wooly mammoth is beautiful. so what's it gonna be? we can't both be beautiful. you have to pick. me or the mammoth. and remember, i am the one that buys your toys.

music heals

my friend sent me the pink cd. i am not quite as bitter or as irrational as pink, but we evidently have a lot of the same thoughts. only she is talented enough to put hers to music, i am talented enough to add to my blog playlist. i do however have cool boots like her. i need to start keeping score.

thank you jodi for my pink cd. i rocked out to it all weekend. i love you.

lightning mcqueen and the look-a-likes

if you call me past 7pm, this is how the conversation will go.

what are you doing?
looking for lightning mcqueen.
don't you have over 20 lighting mcqueens?
yes, but we are looking for a very specific one...the red one.
aren't they all red?
yes, but different shades of red..and ummm, no we have a blue one too.
which shade of red?
the real red.
what is real red?
you know, the non-burgundy red.
aren't most of them the non-burgundy red?
yes, but we are looking for the one that does not have his tongue sticking out, does not have tires on his eyes, does not have fake dirt on his tires, does not have a missing wheel and does not have a plant on his hood
aren't most of them just plain red?
yes but i am looking for the one with the yellow lightning
don't they all have yellow lightning?
no, some have gold...and we need the yellow. i have to go, i need to go beat my head against the wall now.

i am a thief

our grocery store routine is complicated simplicity...something that only brody & i understand. we can't start shopping until we find the car carts...sometimes we even have to find specific ones- firetruck, police car, bus...depends on his mood. we are stalkers. we stalk the mommies with the carts that we need. get it, go.

tonight was more chaotic than usual. need dip mixings for work tomorrow, need something for dinner, bump into our neighbor, hit a guy in the back of his legs with our firetruck, open a bag of cheese for brody to start snacking after he had already eaten a banana. get to the counter and he needs a matchbox car...damn you hyvee for putting the matchbox cars at the checkout lane. pay. leave.

i realize in the parking lot that brody is still holding his new matchbox car, a bottle of sunny-d, a banana peel and a bag of cheese. shit. now what?

i did what any other mom would do. i stole them. ok, most other moms would not steal them. they would have walked back into the store, got back into line and paid for the unpaid for items.

and i am pissed bc i forgot to get paper towels. if only i had accidentally stolen them too.

what i wouldn't change

this is what i learned, this is what you left me with and this is what i wouldn't change...

i now understand that no matter how hard it is to say the words, it is ok to tell your family that you failed

i will no longer underestimate the power of friendship. when everything fell apart, this is who i turned to. they were there before & during...but most importantly, they were there after

i will never again shut someone out of my life bc they know what i am trying to hide

i will never again hide the truth just bc i am too scared to tell

i will never again live someone else's dream...i have my own

i will never again live where i don't belong

i will never again wish away time

i will never again drive and drive and drive just bc i don't want to go home

i will never again look someone in the eyes to see hatred looking back at me

i will never live in silence just bc it seems easier

i will never again forget what it feels like to laugh

i will never again hide away

i am strong

i am smart

i am funny

i am happy

i am my own

this is what i wouldn't change...and what i wouldn't have known otherwise.

esc

if only i had one in real life.

not ready

brody's daddy came home today. truth is he came home last night, but i didn't know until today. he is back in kc for good and will have brody 2 nights a week from now on. happy for brody, happy for his dad...happy the long stretch of brody asking for him is coming to an end.

it was easier to take all of the toys when we moved vs picking and choosing...knowing i eventually would give 1/2 of them back to his daddy.

so today, i am doing just that. sorting through his toys and packing up what will be sent to his dad's. i am not ready to let his toys go. i am not ready to not have him 2 nights a week. i am not ready for his daddy to be back home. not there yet. not yet.

handygirl

brody earned a potty prize this weekend for being accident free (ahem, minus a few accidents). he said he needed a car like baby logyn's so off we went to find one.

it's plastic, can't be that hard to build. empty the box.
there are screws and bolts. crap.

and the instructions were as easy to understand as a molecular map. this was page 1 of 3. 29 total steps.

and my helper insisted on sitting in it the entire time.

nearly done. the front wheel won't move, side door won't fit...and i am not sure what happened to the roof but it eventually fell on his head.

finished. ok, truth is i am still trying to figure out what i did wrong. until then, he loves it.

nemo update

nemo is alive and well. i found him this morning. he even has a new backpack.

dear god, we have caller id down here now

i wish he would have called me too. i have some things i need to talk to him about.

my men

i have a handful of men in my life that are very protective of me. my brother-n-law would drop anything to help me-always has, my good friend checks on me & jokes with me daily-i always know he is there whether it is via facebook, email or a quick phone call, my dad is my silent protector and would pull his shotgun if you hurt me- seriously, and my brother who has his own struggles to deal with but always reminds me that i am loved...

the most protective man in my life, however, is only 2 years old. he is old enough to understand that it is just him and i now. he is old enough to know he is the man of the house. and he is old enough to take on the role of protecting his momma.

it began a couple of months ago. at the pool- don't splash my mommy!, at the grocery store-don't run into my mommy!, at home-jack, don't run over my mommy's head!, at daycare-noooo, that is my mommy!...and it always ends with 'are you ok mommy, are you ok!?'.

so this morning i drop the cell phone on my foot...man it hurt...but i held in the cussing and sat on the floor while the pain subsided....here comes brody, 'are you ok mommy!!!??'...then a rub of my forehead, a kiss on my foot, and he put the cell phone in a time-out. we get to school and he won't let go...hanging on to me with a choke hold. ms clara says 'brody, who are you foolin'...why won't you let go of your momma?'. my protective boy says 'the cell phone hurt her, my mommy is hurt'.

i love him.

nemo

i lost nemo. how do you find a homeless man?