i am thankful to have friends that show up uninvited with food. to have friends that force me out of bed to eat. to have friends that know my family cannot check on me. i love that they make sure i have taken my pain medication. that they surprise me with m&ms after i have eaten. and that they make sure i am comfortable before they leave.
i love them.
Aug 31, 2009
Aug 29, 2009
where is he?
he wants him to come play. where is he mommy? every. single. day. door bell rings...he's here mommy! gets a new race car...i need to show him, mommy! puts on his cape...i need to tackle him mommy!
he doesn't understand. in his 2 year old mind, they were buddies. he misses him. we miss him.
i answer as simply as i think he can understand...he had to go to school.
on friday his teacher asks who adam is. well...hmmmm, why do you ask? bc brody has been looking for his friend adam all day. he says he was supposed to be at school today.
i don't have answers to these questions.
he doesn't understand. in his 2 year old mind, they were buddies. he misses him. we miss him.
i answer as simply as i think he can understand...he had to go to school.
on friday his teacher asks who adam is. well...hmmmm, why do you ask? bc brody has been looking for his friend adam all day. he says he was supposed to be at school today.
i don't have answers to these questions.
run
no clean clothes this morning. typical. this is a con of being single. the only con. i have no one to nag me about doing my laundry. therefore it piles and piles and piles. so if you hear me complain that i have nooooooo clothes, it simply means that they are dirty.
couldn't find running shorts. dig dig dig. dirty. grab an old pair. a few blocks in and i realize with every step they get higher. and then i feel a fall breeze on my upper thigh, way up on my upper thigh, bottom of my ass. evidently, the old pair were a fit me many years ago pair. for anyone that saw a girl running with her butt hanging out this morning....i am sorry to some and you're welcome to others.
i stopped between 2 homes, both with moving trucks. it was a stop or die moment. hands on knees, head down, breathe...the girl starts a conversation with me...or maybe i started with her, don't know. why do i always talk to strangers, i should be more impersonal. she's moving, her boyfriend is moving. both moving from 2 homes to 1 home. neighbors, fell in love, getting married. sweet. convenient. it'll never work. run, girl, run. there is still time.
couldn't find running shorts. dig dig dig. dirty. grab an old pair. a few blocks in and i realize with every step they get higher. and then i feel a fall breeze on my upper thigh, way up on my upper thigh, bottom of my ass. evidently, the old pair were a fit me many years ago pair. for anyone that saw a girl running with her butt hanging out this morning....i am sorry to some and you're welcome to others.
i stopped between 2 homes, both with moving trucks. it was a stop or die moment. hands on knees, head down, breathe...the girl starts a conversation with me...or maybe i started with her, don't know. why do i always talk to strangers, i should be more impersonal. she's moving, her boyfriend is moving. both moving from 2 homes to 1 home. neighbors, fell in love, getting married. sweet. convenient. it'll never work. run, girl, run. there is still time.
fixed
he's still secretly fixing things. i wonder if he just walks around my house inspecting what needs to be fixed or if he randomly notices and feels an urge to fix anything that is broken regardless of whose home it is. either way.
i should leave him a key. let him come inside for water, use the restroom. maybe he would inspect the inside, then fix..well, everything...and um, decorate?
i am kidding, johnny, totally kidding. i won't leave him a key. please do not call and yell at me. but if i come up missing, look for my lawnguy.
i should leave him a key. let him come inside for water, use the restroom. maybe he would inspect the inside, then fix..well, everything...and um, decorate?
i am kidding, johnny, totally kidding. i won't leave him a key. please do not call and yell at me. but if i come up missing, look for my lawnguy.
Aug 26, 2009
dear...
dear carmax guy:
thank you for the kleenex today while you helped me trade my vanity for responsibility.
-kay
thank you for the kleenex today while you helped me trade my vanity for responsibility.
-kay
Aug 25, 2009
untangle
in a couple of months it will mark a year of untangling.
tomorrow, i trade in my vw...for a car in my name. just in my name. the web is so close to being untangled. one by one my ducks are lining up.
problem is i had so many ducks. so many ducks to get in a row. stupid ducks.
tomorrow, i trade in my vw...for a car in my name. just in my name. the web is so close to being untangled. one by one my ducks are lining up.
problem is i had so many ducks. so many ducks to get in a row. stupid ducks.
Aug 23, 2009
funny shoes
3 hours of shoe shopping resulted in no shoes. i wish it were boot season in hawaii.
i remembered something he had said. standing there, alone, shopping for shoes...i remembered and i burst out laughing. surrounded by strangers. strangers that looked at me like i had lost it. then looked at the shoes like there must be something funny about them.
i miss him.
i remembered something he had said. standing there, alone, shopping for shoes...i remembered and i burst out laughing. surrounded by strangers. strangers that looked at me like i had lost it. then looked at the shoes like there must be something funny about them.
i miss him.
Aug 22, 2009
friendship
my best friend. for 13 years. the closest friend i have ever had. i love her. there isn't anything i wouldn't do for her. still. 13 years later.
how were we to know what was in store for us? more than a decade. so many changes. death, marriage, kids, divorce. here we are 13 years later having the same conversations. the same questions. the same fears.
you have to trust me. you have to listen to me. you have to come home.
it's hard. it is. i know.
how were we to know what was in store for us? more than a decade. so many changes. death, marriage, kids, divorce. here we are 13 years later having the same conversations. the same questions. the same fears.
you have to trust me. you have to listen to me. you have to come home.
it's hard. it is. i know.
transitions
i moved brody to a new school last year. from out in the suburbs to downtown kc. from a predominantly white, middle-upper class, tree-hugger school to one with a melting pot of all ethnicities and incomes. i loved his old school but i wanted more for him. i wanted him to learn less about his ABCs and more about culture and character. something i could only teach him by immersing him in.
at only 2 years old, the three strongest women in his life are african-american. some of his best buddies are from low-income families and only attend bc the school & parents raise money for them to go for free. his class ranges from african-american to asian to hispanic to white. some are from high-income families and some are foster children. you would never know.
in this school they are all the same. and these children will grow up not needing to be taught this. they will teach us.
the teachers are from inner city, low-income families. they are hired from within the neighborhood. a neighborhood that just a few blocks away is one of the most dangerous in the city. this school gives them chances. chances no one else did. and with that comes pride.
brody fell in love with his main teacher. i fell in love with her. i hid what was going on at home from her just like i did everyone else. she caught on. but she never asked. instead she would grab my hand and squeeze it. she would hug me for no reason. she would leave me notes telling me that i am a great mom. she knew and she was trying to help.
so yesterday we said goodbye to her as brody transitions into preschool. a very sad goodbye with lots of tears. i gave her a card with a note about how much brody needed her this year, how much i needed her this year and how much we love her. she gave me a card with a note about how much she needed me, how much she loves us and how important my friendship is to her.
two women from very different backgrounds. one that had nothing. one that had everything. and kids from very different backgrounds. some with nothing. some with everything.
and with that comes the affirmation that my child is learning exactly what i wanted him to.
at only 2 years old, the three strongest women in his life are african-american. some of his best buddies are from low-income families and only attend bc the school & parents raise money for them to go for free. his class ranges from african-american to asian to hispanic to white. some are from high-income families and some are foster children. you would never know.
in this school they are all the same. and these children will grow up not needing to be taught this. they will teach us.
the teachers are from inner city, low-income families. they are hired from within the neighborhood. a neighborhood that just a few blocks away is one of the most dangerous in the city. this school gives them chances. chances no one else did. and with that comes pride.
brody fell in love with his main teacher. i fell in love with her. i hid what was going on at home from her just like i did everyone else. she caught on. but she never asked. instead she would grab my hand and squeeze it. she would hug me for no reason. she would leave me notes telling me that i am a great mom. she knew and she was trying to help.
so yesterday we said goodbye to her as brody transitions into preschool. a very sad goodbye with lots of tears. i gave her a card with a note about how much brody needed her this year, how much i needed her this year and how much we love her. she gave me a card with a note about how much she needed me, how much she loves us and how important my friendship is to her.
two women from very different backgrounds. one that had nothing. one that had everything. and kids from very different backgrounds. some with nothing. some with everything.
and with that comes the affirmation that my child is learning exactly what i wanted him to.
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