self-defense failures

when brody & i first moved, i wasn't sure how i would adapt to living alone. coincidentally, around moving time my company sponsored a 2-day self-defense course with kcpd. now up until this point, i was really only afraid of ghosts (deathly afraid, refer to cricket post) but master sgt james shriever managed to put the fear of god in me ranging from a simple trip to the grocery store to innocently walking to my car in the morning. his exact words were 'grab him by his scrotum, twist as hard as you can until it pops...then if you can, kill him...bc a dead man can't talk'...(and before you go to google search, yes they do pop).

so i likely won't twist scrotums or kill people, but i did learn some basic common sense steps...look everyone in the eye, always keep your head up, don't be easily distracted, never roll your window down, etc. easy enough. problem is i remember the rules in retrospect.

failure #1) toys-r-us parking lot waiting for my mom...a hand-off in columbia to pick up my 2 year old. she is running behind so i hang out in my car waiting. i notice a lady a few spots away get out of her car walking towards mine...i am at the far end of the parking lot, no cars around...not sure what she wants so i roll my window down. out of gas, no money, baby in car, please help. i give her $20. her eyes light up and she runs from the passenger window to the driver window to give me a hug...what do i do? i roll down the window again. as she is thanking me and hugging me, i remember the rules- never roll down your window for anyone. shit.

failure #2) driving to avila university this morning on the way to a marketing seminar. running late, no coffee yet, not sure which building to go to. see a sign that says event parking'...so park there. get out of my car and a guy in a white van opens the door and says get in. what do i do? i get in. he closes van door and is walking back to driver's side when i remember the rules- never park near a van (or get in one). shit.

my sister thinks i should replace all of my doors with safer ones (note: this is the same sister that tried to use a shotgun to hit someone over the head). my dad thinks i should get a gun. my self-defense officer thinks i need a big dog. my friend thinks i need a security system. none of which would have helped me in above situations. lucky for me failure #1 did not stab me and failure #2 really was a shuttle driver.