an intruder

give or take a couple of years, my sister & i are essentially the same person. same voice, same laugh, same eyes, love the same people, hate the same people...more of the same same same... and unfortunately for her, the same luckless adventures.

that being said, my funny today is at her expense rather than my own. based on her recollection, i will retell the events of her friday night. sis, keep me honest if i miss anything.

3am. girls are sound asleep in their rooms, josh is at grandma's, husband at work, dogs locked in the garage. she awakes to loud barking & howling. opens door to garage, yells at dogs to shut up...barking continues, she opens door to garage again but this time hears a gentle 'tap tap tap' coming from the outside. dogs still going nuts.

realizing someone is outside, she runs from door to door making sure they are locked. runs to the bedroom closet to grab the shotgun. climbs up to the top shelf...a fishing pole. what the hell is she supposed to do with a fishing pole. searches some more, finds the shotgun. no bullets. finds the bullets, realizes she doesn't know how to load the bullets. also realizes she doesn't know how to shoot a shotgun. decides to use the shotgun to hit the intruder over the head (bc that is every intruder's worst fear...a girl with a shotgun that has no clue how to use it but is threatening to hit him over the head with it).

opens garage door again, more prepared this time (you know, with the unloaded gun and all). tap tap tap. her heart is racing. tap tap tap. she sees movement outside the garage window. stands still in fear and sees a male's face peeking in. it's kyhl. our nephew. our inebriated nephew that has walked 4 miles in the country at 3am to get to their house. case closed.

as she is telling me the story, i couldn't help but ask a few questions-

1) did you remember to run downstairs to check those doors? no, i was too scared to walk down the stairs
2) what were you going to do with a fishing pole? i don't know but it was all i could find at first
3) why do you have a fishing pole in your bedroom closet? i don't know, kaylen!
4) why did you try to find a shotgun when you don't know how to use one? i didn't realize i didn't know how to use it until i was holding it
5) why did you think you could hit him over the head with a shotgun? it was all i had
6) why didn't you call 911? i forgot, i will next time

i still think she might hit kyhl over the head with that shotgun...hopefully, for his sake, she uses the fishing pole instead.