mom, nina keeps kissing me.
well she's pretty cute but little boys & girls shouldn't kiss, brody. only grownups kiss.
i know, i need you to call 911.

mom, we don't let people see our business.
that's right, brody. and if anyone ever gets near your business, who do you tell?
the police.
well, yeah, but who do you tell first?
the firefighters.
ok, sort of, but who do you tell before them?
the ambulances.
um, ok...who do you tell before the ambulances though?
clowns!
wha? no. in fact, never ever talk to clowns.

my mommy is a beggar-tarian but i'm not. i have to eat meat so i can go to kindergarten.

i build train sets. that's what i do. over & over & over.

i choose to believe that i am pretty good at it. but when he rips them apart and makes me redo multiple times a day, i reconsider.

this morning he didn't need my help. he didn't even want it.

sigh of relief. no more train set building for me. finally.

i walk back to the couch, cover up in a buzz lightyear blanket, lean forward to grab my coffee smiling the whole time that i likely have 10 free minutes in my future.

and then i fell off the couch. and so did my coffee.

little boys.

being a mom is hard. and sometimes i have to lie. i just do. to stay sane and all.

so in the spirit of lying, i am a robot mommy. with magical robot powers.

and there is a secret button under brody's arms. only i know where it is bc of my magical powers. and if he doesn't listen and i press it? his arms fall off. and if he doesn't have arms, how will he play with his race cars?

oh. and i also have a clock inside my robot head. so i always know when 5 minutes is up. don't bother fighting me on it.