there isn't a box big enough in the world to mail a 2' long rapunzel wig.
in case you were needing to do that today too.
to save you the trouble, you will need 2 postal workers and a helpful onlooker to go through every box in the back room of post office.
when that fails, you will need to remove the wig from the ridiculously long box.
then re-wrap it using priority mailer tape.
bc the post office doesn't just let you use the clear scotch tape.
then just for fun, stand there holding the 2' long blonde wig to see how many people will ask what you are doing.

i was fighting at school today with my friend, david.
are you supposed to fight with your friends, brody?
well, i fight-ed with him, then i stopped being his friend and asked gentry to be my friend.
how would you feel if someone did that to you, brody?
well, then i would fight them.
but we don't fight our friends. we are loyal and kind to our friends.
well david's not my friend anymore bc he pulled my shirt.
why did he pull your shirt?
bc i pulled his shirt first.
why did you pull your friend's shirt?
bc the teachers weren't looking.
do you think it's ok to fight with your friends when your teachers aren't looking?
ya, bc then i don't get in trouble.
but you should never be mean to or fight with your friends, brody.
ya, i know. except when the teachers aren't looking.

oh.my.god.

mommy, you don't know nothing and james knows everything!

well, little buddy, i do know that you just used a double negative and the james that knows everything put his shoes on the wrong feet this morning. so i know a little something.